News broke recently that frequent use of cell phones could potentially lead to cancer, confirming what comedians already knew. Holding a carcinogenic device to your ear is something we all do. I know I regularly smoke Pall Mall's through my ear. But the recent proof of this danger raises another question. Does frequent texting lead to thumb cancer? And perhaps more importantly, is there such a thing as thumb cancer?
To me, losing my thumbs to cancer would be worse than losing my ear. For one thing, you only hold the phone to one ear at a time so you're more likely to lose only one. That means you still have another ear. But texting often requires two thumbs. The thought or losing both of my thumbs is devastating. No more video games. No more gesturing to gladiators if they should kill or spare their opponent. No more masturbation. Well, I'd still masturbate, but it would be more challenging. Of course, like most, I feel a greater sense of satisfaction from completing a challenging task. Would masturbating without thumbs lead to a more satisfying finish? Theres only one way to find out.
While I'm on the topic of cellular phones, I have a question regarding Bluetooth devices. Is it true that it stains your teeth? Cause I already have a problem with coffee stains, I don't need them turning blue on me. Then again, it would make faking my death a bit easier.
Yes I've contemplated faking my own death. Not for any real reason, just so that I could get a head start haunting people. I'm still vulnerable to exorcisms, being Jewish and all. The power of Christ compels you…to shop Wal Mart and save!
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