Picture all of this in your head. If you dont know what I look like, picture the worlds smallest giant and you're almost there. Anyway, I get up off the couch, declaring its time to walk the dog. Its cold and windy by the lake so I put on my Long Daves (I dont see the point in calling them Long Jons since I'm not Jon), undershirt, fleece vest, and denim jacket. I'm wearing sneakers instead of my usual slip-on driving shoes. I have little bags in one pocket and cigarettes in the other because since I'm doing something healthy, I must negate it with something unhealthy.
I rouse the dog from his fourth nap of the day and get his leash on. We are ready to go. We step to the front door, confident in the success and expected glory of our forthcoming adventure. The door opens. Not by itself, I did it. Huge fat gobs of rain are falling at a speed known only by the mathematical symbol L speed, short for Ludicrous speed.
There we stood, hearts broken. I looked like an orphan asking the cruel Orphanarium Manager for more gruel. The dogs tail stopped wagging altogether. I hung my head, shut the door and stared with guilt at the dog, now more confused than anything. I didnt want him to think I was playing some cruel trick on him so I showered him with Beggin Strips (EDITORIAL NOTE: Dogs goes apespit for Beggin Strips).
Now to sit in the dark, like a dog. With a dog.
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