Taco Tuesday, Mmm Tacos

Ah, a nice long weekend away from the world. But now that it's Tuesday, it's time for Taco Tuesday! The hallowed history of Taco Tuesday goes back many years. It was a Tuesday in which me and my buddy Diaz would go to Taco Bell because they had 2 for 1 tacos.

Just be glad I didn't choose the picture of the guy with the
Taco Bell logo tattooed on his ass

But this Taco Tuesday is a sad one thanks to Michael Smith of Huber Heights, Ohio. Mr. Smith was very unhappy with his service and deliberately crashed his truck through the front window. He apparently did not get one of the tacos he ordered so he pulled through the drive-through again to complain where he was immediately presented with an apology and another taco. But this wasn't enough.
Enraged over this slight, Mr. Smith then exited the drive-through and entered the restaurant, all without leaving his truck. The police were able to track down Mr. Smith due to the trail of car fluids leading back to his house. I don't know which car fluid it was, blood or pee I guess. I don't really know a lot about cars.
Clearly this man was very angry, possible because of the missing taco, possibly because he looks like Joaquin Phoenix with acne. Either way, I don't think he'll be welcome at that or any Taco Bell, which is really his loss. Have you tried the Doritos Taco Loco? It's incredible! It combines Doritos, already established as the best chip there is, with tacos! They need to introduce a Cool Ranch Version.

Super Bowl Champion New York Giants

I need to say this out loud and in print, Super Bowl Champion New York Giants led by two-time Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning. Oh my god, that feels so good. I want to get that phrase tattooed backwards on my forehead so that I can see it again every time I look in the mirror, which is pretty frequently.
I had a quick post at halftime about Madonna. I will follow that up next time cause the New York Giants just won the Super Bowl. There I said it again. I'm gonna keep saying it too cause it feels good. I dont even know where to begin. How about by recounting how Justin Tuck forced a safety on the Patriots very first offensive play. I enjoyed Chase Blackburns surprise interception. I will never be able to comprehend how Eli managed to thread the ball so many times to Nicks and Cruz. I need to take a minute and breathe into a bag.
During the fourth quarter, my stomach was churning and bubbling. I decoded the low pitch sounds that came from my gut and it was a warning about the forrest moving to the castle and I think I heard the phrase "no man of woman born". Point is, I've learned that buffalo wings, nachos, and a thrilling conclusion to the biggest game ever is a bad combination for my stomach. I've also learned that the cure for this is to douse it in the glory of a Super Bowl Championship.
The real challenge was keeping my voice down. As you probably dont remember, I now live in an apartment building. Of course its the freaking Super Bowl and the home team is in it so I'm sure that everybody is watching. Everybody that is except the two year girl across the hall. Its bad enough that she'll be crying for the next few weeks, I dont need to get that started early.
Honestly my biggest concern is that this is the second time in the last five years that the New York Giants have defeated the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl and Massachusetts fans are not known for their forgiveness. The Red Sox/Yankees thing is bad enough. I'm just lucky I dont dig baseball. But now the Giants are the spoilers again and that is something I care about. To illustrate how big a Giants fan I am, I have the NY logo tattooed on my back. I also shaved matching NY's into my dog Flexxo and my hair. That last one may or may not be true.
So here I live in enemy territory where I proudly flaunt my Giants gear. My good lady wife just completed her order at NFLShop.com. I can never return to the local Taco Bell now which really sucks cause the Crunchy Beef Burrito is amazing. But last time I was in there we exchanged smack talk in good jest. Now I fear the jest shall be no more.
But why live in fear when I should be living in glory! The New York Giants are the Super Bowl Champions and Eli is their MVP!!! This is far from over...