Death Is A Cool Guy, Part 3

What's this, part 3? I'm enjoying writing this story and I hope you're enjoying reading it. I still need a better title though.

                I drink a lot. I don’t mean to say that I’m an alcoholic, I mean that I literally drink a lot of liquids. Thanks to some prescription medications, I’m left with permanent dry mouth so I always have a drink in my hand, be it tea or soda or water. I was just finished evacuating the mornings coffee when I returned to the living room to find I had lost my seat.

                “Don’t you ever knock?”

                “No, I just walk through walls.” Death replied as he casually flipped through the channels, looking for something worth watching.

                “No I mean, wait a minute can you really walk through walls?” Curiosity about Death is infectious. Half the time I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not. Walking through walls seemed plausible enough.

                “Yup. I can also levitate and move things with my mind, among other things. You have any chips?”

                I did so I grabbed the bag of Price Chopper brand potato chips and sat down next to Death. At this point, I was getting less and less creeped out by him. The more we talked, the more I got to know Death as a hard-working, sardonic individual who just happened to usher souls into the afterlife.

                “Not that I don’t mind you stopping by, but I’d appreciate it if you stopped surprising me like this. If I hadn’t just done it, I would have pissed my pants”

                “Ok, but I don’t have a cell phone” I wasn’t sure why this surprised me.

                “What brings you by today?” I asked, sure that he was saying hello after collecting a soul.

                “There’s a soul to collect and I’m here a bit early” I was so close “A guy in building 4 has a heart condition and is spending the day marathon watching the first season of 24.”

                “Good show” I added.

                “It is a good show. Anyway, he’s not gonna take Teri Bauers death too well. To be fair though, he is out of shape and a heavy smoker. He might quit smoking if he knew about the hole in his heart.” He said all this with a hint of regret, as if he didn’t want to collect his soul. “It’s a shame, he could avoid seeing me if only his doctor had found the defect.”

                I was struck by the emotion in his voice. It was subtle, but he clearly felt for this man. I started to suspect that Death didn’t enjoy his job as much he let on.

                “So how does it usually go down? The soul collecting I mean.” I finally asked. The question had been rattling around my head for days. I had been looking for an opportunity to ask and had finally found it.

                “Do you really want to know?” I nodded yes, of course I wanted to know “It’s never exactly the same but it’s usually pretty peaceful. Most people are aware of their impending death. When you’re laying in a hospital bed with tubes keeping you alive, even if you’re in a coma, you know what’s coming. Every now and then I meet someone who  greets me with a smile and asks what took me so long. But most of the time there’s just a lot of crying. Then there are the fighters”

                “Fighters?” I asked.

                “Some people just aren’t ready and want to keep living. They get angry at me, like it’s my fault. You’d be surprised how many of them take a swing at me. Funny story, I was the one who collected Bruce Lee. I was sweating bullets, not literally cause I don’t have skin. I was so scared that he was going to open up on me. I’d seen Enter The Dragon, who hadn’t? So I got ready, I limbered up, took a few shadow punches, and went to him. He was the nicest guy I’d ever met until that point. I have never seen anyone take their death with such peace and grace. He even taught me a bit about Jeet Kun Do.”

                “So you’re saying Bruce Lee taught you Jeet Kun Do?” Of all he had just said, that was the first thing I asked. I felt like an idiot.

                “Yes. The Living lost a good one with him. But for every Bruce Lee, there’s a thousand Neros. He kept going on and on that he was immortal and the Caesar couldn’t die. Even challenged me to a fiddle contest”

                “Really” Again, not sure if he was joking or not.

                “No, I’m just messing with you. I love that song though.”

                It was a good song. Suddenly my mind was flooded with Charlie Daniels Band when I was hit with the ultimate question. I wasn’t sure I sure ask but my curiosity was too much to ignore.

                “Can, can I come with you for the next one?” My heart was beating so fast I was sure Death could hear it.

                “Are you sure you want to? It’s not easy for everybody.” I heard a hint of concern in his voice. This only poked at my curiosity more.

                “I do. I think I need to”

                “Very well, it’s about time anyway.” Death rose and reached out his hand. For the first time I was actually touching Death. I felt the bones in his hand. They were lighter than air, yet felt strong enough to bend steel. If he was so inclined, Death could have crushed my hand with no effort. I took a deep breath. This was going to change me and I knew it.