Poison!

That girl? No. That burger. It would seem there are more differences between American and Chinese cuisine than I expected. The kitchens in restaurants in China are not known for their cleanliness. Instead of killing all who dare eat there, the filth and flavors combine for amazing things. Its like when 2 really fat people try to get through a door and they get stuck. The people inside remain safe from their cellulite.
But American food establishments follow basic cleanliness and food safety guidelines. Using real beef, quality oil, and vegetables that havent been grown in s#!t. All these combine to hit my stomach like a delicious bunker buster bomb. Without going into too much detail, all of those quality ingredients exited the way they came in.
Im forced to wonder how many people in my own house heard me gorg-horging my innards out and decided to roll over and go back to sleep. I know it wasnt a quiet process. Did they assume it was the radiator turning on? Or perhaps the sounds got incorporated into their dreams. The most likely answer is that they all smiled at my pain and used the sounds of my regurgitation to lull them back to sleep.
It was a great burger going down though.