Today is Valentines Day. The day in which everybody tries to make up to their significant others for accidentally calling her Rick once when I was drunk and confused. To me it seems like a worthless holiday. You can fuck up 364 days but youre forgiven if you remember to pick up flowers at 711. Love is apparently only relevant for one day in February. How come theres no holiday to celebrate my hate? Sure, I hate everyday of the rest of the year, but I dont get any recognition for it.
But theres one thing that bothers me the most about VDay. Cupid. Its meant to be a adorable creature who spreads love with magic arrows. Lets take a look at the horrifying reality of Cupid. Its a blind baby with a weapon flying through the air. We would never give a real toddler (blind or not) a bow and arrows, but give it wings and it gets license to fly around shooting people. Is it Cupids supposed youth that makes him untouchable? We forgive children for everything "cause they dont know any better yet". I dont think Cupid counts as a baby anymore. Hes been flying around blindly firing arrows for decades. The bastard is older than me, yet when I wear a diaper and wings and shoot people with arrows, I get arrested and hit with a restraining order.
Does this tiny bastard have a pilots license? Is that weapon registered? Was there a mandatory five day waiting period before he got it? How the hell does a blind baby fill out the necessary forms? Was he born with the wings or were they later grafted on? How does he aim? Does he have echolocation like a bat? I need answers.
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