The Worlds Third Most Disturbing Contest

I enjoy watching Jeopardy. I make no secret of this. I like trivia games and getting answers right makes me feel smart. I had just gotten a particularly tricky question right (the answer was "usurp") when they went to commercial. Normally I take this time to pee but I was riveted to my seat by the most memorable commercial of the last 8 years.
Ozzy Osbourne comes on screen so I figure I'm in store for either an awesome rock ballad or some mumbling followed by falling down. Either way, I'm not turning away. Imagine my elated surprise to hear Ozzy tell us his dream - to fly to New York and get a colonoscopy. Thats right, the Blizzard of Ozz, the Prince of Darkness lays awake at night imagining his perfect weekend getaway to New York and it includes sticking a camera up his ass.
Frankly this has resulted in an overload of ass-related puns that I just dont know how to process. After much contemplation (4-7 seconds) I have decided to present a list of these puns. I will now break from my standard format to present Ozzy Osbourne Colonoscopy Puns:
Crazy Train with a camera on the front going up my ass
Bark At The Moon (The moon being my ass and the bark being a camera)
Back on Earth, To Get a Colonoscopy
No More Tears - he hopes
Paranoid, about bending over in a hospital gown
Goodbye to Romance because youre sticking a camera up my ass
I Just Want You To Stick A Camera Up My Ass
Mama I'm Coming Home To Get A Colonoscopy
Mr. Crowley Just Stuck A Camera Up My Ass

I can probably keep going with this but so far none of these have technically been puns. The level of incredulity is too high for me to even truly understand the meaning of the word pun. For those of you who dont believe this is a real thing I present to you a link to the official contest website. Note how the first line says that this is an actual contest. Clearly I was not the only person to question its veracity. Of course its not just about flying to NY and shoving a camera up your pooper, the winner also gets to stay in a luxury hotel and even bring a companion. There is no mention about if your companion also gets a colonoscopy.
I mentioned in the title that this is the third most disturbing contest. Because I know you're curious here are the number one and two most disturbing contests. Second is Readers Digests 1989 contest where the winner gets to fly to Burbank to get kicked in the nuts 12 and a half times by Dick Clark. And the number one most disturbing contest of all time goes to the Czech Republics Pravda Magazine's 2004 Most Inflamed Goiter Contest. It wins because of its promise to inflame the goiters of all its participants.
Anyway, now that I've managed to gross myself out, I think I'm going to go throw up for a bit and then submit my name for CBS Cares Colonoscopy Sweepstakes. Hmm, I wonder if Ozzy performs the procedure himself.