I've Heard of An Urban Jungle But This Is Ridiculous

Raise your hand if you live in a city. Ok, now raise your hand if you're afraid of lions. I'm sure everybody raised their hands for that one. My fear of lions is based off of a heavy dose of respect after viewing numerous nature videos. The only way I could fear/respect more is if they started living in our cities. What's that? They are. Oh crap.

Artists rendering of Urban Lion (Felinus Urbanus)

As the Kenyan capitol of Nairobi is growing, it has been encroaching on lion habitats. This has resulted in urban lions which are exactly what they sound like. So far, more than 2 lionesses have been captured or killed in Nairobis suburbs. Oh yeah and one of them had cubs. As of yet there have been no attacks on humans, but there have been several attacks on dogs. No word on hobo attacks.
To recap, lions have moved into the suburbs of Nairobi and are settling down. To make things worse, these lions aren't even getting jobs. It would be one thing if they moved in and got jobs at 7-11 or as actuaries. But not only are these scary felines illegally living in Nairobi, they are leeching off of hard-working Kenyans.
The lion welfare state has to stop. We have been coddling these animals for too long. What's next, lion food stamps? We already have homeless lion shelters. We call them zoos and those bastards live better than most homeless people.
So to my readers in Nairobi (::sound of crickets::), don't go out at night, don't answer your doors unless you can see a human on the other side. And don't accept any candy-grams, they are a well known trick of the animal kingdom.