Youtube Monday: Lets Go To The Mall

It's Youtube Monday again. There has been a drought of posts lately as I've been concentrating on other things but I could never forget the glory of Youtube Monday. Here is a wonderful music video I found from early '90s Canada. It features Canadian teen superstar Robin Sparkles singing about what I assume is her favorite activity.

So for those who haven't figured it out, this is actually a clip from How I Met Your Mother. Robin Sparkles is actually Robin Sherhoweverthehellitsspelled, the annoying perpetually single female in the group. For those who grew up in the 1980's however, this is a throwback you'll never forget.
Anyway, I'm currently working on a couple short stories that I hope to share with you all. Enjoy life.

Youtube Monday: Learn To Fly

It's Youtube Monday and I don't give a damn about the Olympics. Honestly, there are no sports at the Olympics that I watch and enjoy. So here's an unrelated video today. I hope you enjoy Learn To Fly by the Foo Fighters.

I'm personally fond of it for the cameos by Tenacious D. Gotta love the multiple Dave Grohls.:

Youtube Monday: Cal Johnson

Damn those weekends go by fast. Instead of boring you with part 5 of my story, I'm going with the regular Youtube Monday. Todays selection is one of my favorites. It's a skit taken from Seth and Alexs Almost Live Comedy Show. Who are Seth and Alex? Well that would be Seth McFarlane and Alex Borstein of Family Guy. The titular Cal Johnson is played by Family Guy regular Patrick Warburton. Without further ado, enjoy.

The sound isn't so great on it, I know. So as a favor, here are the lyrics:

There was a man who shot the man who was the man who shot the man, Cal Johnson.
He wore a hat, his favorite hat, he loved that hat, he hated hats, Cal Johnson.
He was a dad to zero kids and yet he fathered five,
Got shot dead a year ago and yet he's still alive,
He's rich beyond his wildest dreams yet never had a dime, 
A lawman to very end, he led a life of crime. 
In all his years of life on Earth he never fired a gun,
But when it came to Chinese men, he shot down every one.
He had a horse named Bandit and the horses name was Clyde.
Cal Johnson was born the day he died.


And then of course it ends with the slow head turn.

Youtube Monday: We Miss You Orson

Somebody recently told me it's Youtube Monday. I thought we'd go with something classic today.  Orson Welles is widely regarded as one of the most brilliant, groundbreaking filmmakers of all time. His magnus opus, Citizen Kane still sets the standard for drama and was responsible for pioneering many filmmaking techniques.
As the years went by, Orson Welles got fatter and drunker, something to be expected from someone named Orson. Eventually he started doing commercials and voice-overs. Here we see Orson trying to nail a take for Paul Masson Wine. Nobody told him that he's not supposed to actually drink anything while filming.

At one point, post-take he fell off his chair and broke the floor. No I'm kidding, he didn't fall. But he did break the floor with his pounding ponderous footsteps and low pitched cries for frozen peas. His only joy that day, besides being wasted, was when he found a chicken wing in his beard.

Youtube Monday: The Stars Wars That I Used To Know

It seems it's Youtube Monday once again. And just in time for Monday too. You may notice that todays post is super early for me. That's because I made a deal with my Good Lady Wife during a game of Monopoly to spend all day doing laundry. Ultimately, it wasn't worth it because I still ended up losing the game.
Anyway this weeks entry is a fun cover of Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know. Who the hell is Gotye? Give it another couple months, nobody will remember. This song has been blasted from everything with a speaker. If you haven't gotten sick of it yet, trust me, you will. But this is a good parody about Star Wars. Enjoy.

Take that George Lucas! Stop ruining our beloved movies! Han will always shoot first!

Youtube Monday: The Puppy and the Crab

It's Youtube Monday and I love puppies so it's officially time to question my sexual orientation! I stumbled across this video originally on The Huffington Post. It's of a 2-year dachsund meeting a little crab on the beach. Adorability ensues.

If you are not watching this, punching your leg and yelling "awwwwww" you have no soul and I feel sorry for your empty existence. Seriously, if this doesn't melt your heart that is because you have none.  The puppy is having the time of his life, as evidenced by the fiercely wagging tail. The poor crab however is terrified for its very existence.
So we have learned that the recipe for cute is curiosity + terror.

Youtube Monday: You're The Star of the Masquerade

Well wouldja look at that, it's Youtube Monday already. I thought today I'd share one of the best covers of any song ever. Several years ago, Killswitch Engage filmed a cover of Dio's Holy Diver. What ensued was not only an excellent version of an excellent song, but also one of the funniest music videos ever, made funnier by the fact that it's a metal band.

Even if you don't like metal, you can still appreciate the video for its absurdity. Notice how the king/drummer is always eating a giant turkey leg. Admire the beautiful princess/guitarist. I really love this video, it simultaneously cracks me up and rocks me out, a rare feat.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I'm going to go back to playing SimCity Classic.

Youtube Monday: Don't Let The Name Fool You

So it's Monday again which means it's time for Youtube Monday. I missed Fridays post because I was on my way to Providence to see Crosby, Stills and Nash. For those that care, they still kick ass after 45 years. Anyway, I thought today, in honor of Fathers Day, I'd share my fathers favorite Youtube video. Don't be fooled by its appearance, it is not a nature video.
Video contains some NSFW language.

As you can see, the Honey Badger truly doesn't give a shit. This is one of the most ferocious, aggressive animals in nature. No other animal hunts them, partially out of respect but mostly out of fear. It's a little known fact that the U.S. government uses Honey Badgers to guard their most sensitive and secure sites. They were unable to train them so they just created a no-mans-land and tossed these bad boys in there.
It's long been theorized that the Bermuda Triangle is actually the site of the Honey Badger nation. Anyone who crosses their borders never leaves alive.
You may have noticed that I'm capitalizing Honey Badger. That is because I am honestly afraid that if I don't, one will knock on my door, looking for retribution.

Youtube Monday: Demon in the Circuits

It's been a rough week but we're back with Youtube Monday. After scouring Youtube for almost 8 full minutes I remembered a really cool video from a few years ago. My comments after the video.

We all knew that mobile phones were inherently evil. This is something we see everyday when some jackass cuts us off cause he's on his phone. Or how everybody pulled out their camera-phones instead of helping me stop the bleeding when I got shot in the neck. It would seem it's because there is a demon inside every phone that is just waiting to come out.
There's no word if a phone has to be microwaved to make the demon emerge or if the ambient heat from being in your pocket is enough. I think I figured out why it feels like my phone is vibrating when there's no call incoming. It's just my phone demon messing me or letting me know he cares. There's no rule that says demons can't be caring individuals.

Youtube Monday: Frapp Attack!

Well well well, if it isn't Youtube Monday. I told you not to show your face around here anymore. You have a lot of cojones coming in here like this. You'd better have something good, and not something that is getting on my good lady wifes nerves.

Damn you Youtube Monday, you got me again. You frapped me. For some reason I can't stop watching this video. I was eating ice cream the other day and I got some on my mustache. My good lady wife commented that I have frapp on my stash and immediately regretted it.
I've tried to figure out why I've been obsessed with this video lately but so far every theory has collapsed under scrutiny. Perhaps it is controlling me subliminally to spread it to others to also infect. God forgive me.

Youtube Monday: Meet The In-Laws

It's Youtube Monday which is a Monday when you get Youtube. And what better opportunity to introduce my reader to my mother-in-law. My Good Lady Wife told me all about her before I got to meet her, but stories don't do her justice. At first I thought that Lois Griffin from Family Guy would be the perfect analog, what with her strong Rhode Island accent that she is unaware of.
Then came Bobs Burgers. Linda, the mother from Bobs Burgers might not have the exact accent but she does have the mannerisms and personality. Basically, her lifes goal is to be a wife and mother, which she excels at, but is not entirely in touch with how her kids talk and act. She also loves family holidays, especially Christmas. So after trolling Youtube, I decided to go with this classic.

I was lucky enough to be present for the selection of last years Christmas tree and it went more or less exactly like this. Just so you know, the guy in the video provides the voice of Linda on Bobs Burgers.
NOTE:: Mary, if you read this, I mean no offense. I love you and think very highly of you, especially for producing and raising such a wonderful daughter.

Youtube Monday: Flash Mob Failure

Oh Youtube Monday, will you ever get stale? The answer is yes, but I soldier on!
A couple weeks ago I brought you what might be the best flash mob ever. Well I figured I'd counterpoint that with the worst flash mob ever. It's brought to you by Boston's own Lyndon Byers. For those of you who don't know him, LB used to play for the Boston Bruins, best known for his staggering ability to start fights. Now that he's retired, LB works for WAAF's Hill-Man Morning Show doing sports and claiming that every story is the greatest story in the world.
Anyway, he has a fascination with flash mobs and finally got the courage to organize his own at Bostons South Station. The results are too good to be true. WARNING: LB takes his shirt off. It's not pretty.

Ah yes, an epic flash mob failure. It was doomed from the start when LB had to look up the lyrics to Livin' On A Prayer on the way to South Station. If there were crickets in South Station, I'm sure we would have heard them. Interesting factoid about South Station, they have a food stand that sells nothing but grilled cheese. It's awesome.

Youtube Monday: RIP

You know what Monday's mean, besides a peak of my horrible crippling depression. It's Youtube Monday! Before I get to that, there are a couple things I need to get out of the way.
Eli Manning on SNL - I'll compress my thoughts into this sentence: it's a good thing that his job is winning Super Bowls and not doing sketch comedy
The Avengers - this is officially the best comic book movie ever. I loved everything about it, but I've been told to not give away anything for at least another week. Just go see the damn movie, I know I will be seeing it multiple times.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program. Last Friday, a third of one of the greatest bands ever passed away. Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys succumbed to cancer and left us forever wondering watcha watcha watcha want. I have many fond memories of The Beastie Boys like blasting Brass Monkey through an ancient vinyl record player. I remember performing Sabotage loudly in a Chinese karaoke bar (I provided my own music).
In 2009, I was gearing up for the All Points West music festival. The Beastie Boys were set to headline when MCA was first diagnosed. They had to pull out and were replaced at the last minute by Jay-Z. A pretty good compromise if you ask me. Ever the performer, Jay-Z took the stage with an amazing cover of No Sleep Til Brooklyn.
So this weeks Youtube Monday is in special tribute to you, MCA. I present you my personal favorite song and video by the Beastie Boys. May you rest in peace.

Youtube Monday: HAKA!!!

Youtube! Monday! Now that I have your attention, I'd like to welcome you back to Youtube Monday. Many have asked me why I call it Youtube Monday. I have no answer that will satisfy you. And frankly I don't care for your tone. How dare you speak to me in such a manner?! This means war!

I'm just kidding, I harbor you no ill will. I just needed a clever way of introducing todays video. This one is a combination of something annoying and something awesome. I find flash mobs to be annoying 99% of the time. This is the rare 1% when they do it in such a way that is undeniably awesome. The Haka.
What is the Haka you ask? It's a traditional Maori dance often performed during welcome ceremonies, important events and prior to battle. So when you see a group of large Maori men (and women) performing it, they're either welcoming you with open arms or about to charge you and kill your people. More recently, the Haka has been made famous by the New Zealand All Blacks, the most racist and misleading team name in all of rugby. Seriously, most of the players are white. And my proposal to change the name of the San Diego Chargers to the California Honkys was rejected.

Youtube Monday: The Young Ones

My friends, I have some sick parents. At a young age, they introduced me to the BBC. Not Masterpiece Theatre or Shakespeare or anything. No, they showed me the crude BBC comedies I have come to love and partially base my life on. Obviously Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and Keeping Up Appearances were in the rotation, but none had quite the impact of a show called The Young Ones.
The Young Ones follows four college students sharing a house in London. Except these are literally the four worst students in all of England. There's Neil, the hippie. Rick, the activist douche. Mike, the cool guy. And my favorite, Viv, the punk. Coming out in 1982, The Young Ones was considered groundbreaking for the time and its still funny. I present to you my favorite scene, which gives a pretty good approximation of the characters and the show. Watch for Mike.

My family has been repeating the fish line ad infinitum for the last 30 years. The general response to the show is either love it or hate it. Or, more frequently, "I don't get it". Hopefully the accents won't trip you up too much, but if you enjoyed this clip, I recommend checking out the rest of the series. Don't worry, like most BBC shows, there's only a dozen episodes.

Youtube Monday: The Day You've All Been Waiting For

Well its the beginning of a new week and we all know what that means. Time to cry in the bathtub while listening to The Talking Heads. Also Youtube Monday. It's a holiday here in Massachusetts. It's called Patriots Day and I'm told it has nothing to do with the football team that keeps getting beaten by Eli Manning and the NY Giants. What does this mean for you? Nothing.
Anyway, this weeks gem is one of my all-time favorites and I'm shocked to see that it doesn't have 18 million views. A few years ago, Mike Henry, voice of Cleveland Brown put together a sketch called Kicked In The Nuts. Its exactly what you think it is. It is the crudest form of humor, but I'll be damned if it doesn't crack me up every time.

If you want to justify enjoying it, it is a bit of an indictment of peoples obsessions with fame and television. Every single victim went from angry to overjoyed when they learned they would be part of a  TV show. There, I justified it for you. You're welcome.
Incidentally, I present you with a picture of Mike Henry and the character he's known for playing, Cleveland Brown.

Note the resemblance 

Youtube...Monday?

What's this? Youtube Monday? Yep after tireless research and pouring through polling data, I've decided to move Youtube Tuesday to Monday. I originally thought of calling it Youtube Tuesday Monday, but I was told that might cause some confusion. So I moved to a new city, changed the name to Youtube Monday and started anew.
This week's gem really is a...umm...gem. This is from the more obscure Mel Brooks movie To Be Or Not To Be and was only on the soundtrack. It got a good response and a video was filmed for it. This is that video. I'll admit to having not actually seen the movie, but if its anything like this, I just might make time for it.

Mel Brooks is the only person on the planet to be able to do this. If literally anyone else, including Hitler, tried to do this song and dance, they would be condemned. Well if it was Hitler, he'd probably be condemned either way. Mel Brooks is a comedy god. I'm going to go watch Blazing Saddles because he's so awesome.