Famed (for some reason) wide receiver Chad Ochocinco was at a charity event in Miami over the weekend when he was peed on by a lion. I'm overwhelmed by how fitting and ridiculous this is. Hold on, I need to hyperventilate into a paper bag.
Ok I'm back. I blacked out and hit my head on the coffee table. That's what this Ochocinco story is doing to me. I mean, he was literally peed on by a lion not named Suh. Even the animal world is sick of him. And how does he respond? Through Twitter of course. I'm reluctant to re-post his tweets cause I'm convinced it will lower the IQ of both of my readers. I will however re-post the responses the Lion tweeted.
"ROFL just peed on 85! I'm like Brady xcept I can hit a receiver!"
To be slightly fair, the lion was marking his territory. I'll spare the acidic-smelling details but cats spray a mist of concentrated urine to mark things as theirs. It's called matriculating or micturating or miniaturizing or something. Essentially, the lion saw Ochochinco and thought to himself "He's mine. He's got a pretty mouth" and claimed him for his own. Maybe now 85 will get his ring.
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