Really?!

Normally I like to fill my posts with sarcasm and snark. Today I fill it with irony. A report by the Center for Public Integrity has released their findings from the State Integrity Investigation. And the results are so surprising that I'm forced to take a minute to compose myself. Also to take the laundry out of the dryer.
Ok I caught my breath. It turns out the state with the least amount of corruption is, wait for it, New Jersey. You read that correctly. New Jersey, home of the Jersey Shore, Atlantic City and the nations fattest governor is apparently the most honest state in the union. This revelation has turned my world upside down. Up is east, black is Honda, dogs and cats are living together. Total anarchy!

Yes its cute, but its also wrong!

As a state, New Jersey still sucks. I'm sorry but its true. Maybe its because I'm from New York, but I've found countless others who agree. I admit that I'm still angry that New Jersey has been holding the NY Giants hostage for decades. That is just unforgivable. Then they go and pour salt in the wound by claiming that Ellis Island is part of New Jersey. The Supreme Court (one of them) declared that New York has the original Ellis Island footprint while New Jersey has, unsurprisingly, the landfill portions.
My beloved New York ranked number 36 on the list with an overall rating of D. I'm forced to assume that D stands for Decadence. Who am I kidding, I've seen enough episodes of Law and Order (should've never been canceled) to know that the mob is all over. And Elliot Spitzer taught me that all politicians love whores, but I think we already knew that.
More amazing is that Illinois, former home of Rod Blagojevich, ranked 10th overall. Blagojevich, the man who famously said "I'd sell my own office for some whores and an eight-ball" (I may have just made that up). Perhaps Illinois is ranked so highly because he's no longer in charge, but I like to think he just bought 10th place in the survey as a last act before starting his prison sentence.
So here I sit, flabbergasted, living in Massachusetts, a state equally as corrupt as Illinois. Since I can't do anything to make New York less corrupt, my only choice is to make the 35 states that placed above it more corrupt. It's time to get started blackmailing my way into public office. I just need to figure out what the hell a comptroller does.