Til Death Do We Part

Beware the Ides of March. What I should beware about today is the influx of completely unrelated news stories to write about. There's a healthy mix of real news and ridiculous news to report on. Of course, when I say report on I mean re-post other news stories and add some snarky comments. I'm skipping entirely over the insanity that is March Madness, mostly because I don't follow basketball at any level. I've tried to get excited about it but I just don't care. The only thing that interests me about Linsanity is that the Chinese market finally has someone to replace Yao Ming.
So instead I will tell you all about little Til, the (almost) most famous bunny rabbit in the world. Young Til is, or was, a tiny little 17 day old rabbit born in Germany. What made him famous was not his radical proposal to round up all the guinea pigs in Germany to be put in camps. No what made him famous was that he was born without any ears. Lets take a moment to reflect on how cute little Til is.

So cute I want to puke

I'll admit that this is not the first cute animal I've brought you. Speaking of cute animals, Flexxo is currently snoring louder than the TV. It is not Til's adorable nature that brings him to my and therefore your attention. Til made the news today with his sad demise. A cameraman was trying to bring Til to the world when he accidentally stepped on him. Little Til was hiding amongst some hay when the foolish cameraman stepped on him. All reports indicate that Til never heard it coming. Too soon for an earless rabbit death joke?
Lets bring the fun back with news of Flavor Flav, a man who has been called a dead rabbit. Now that Flav's music career is decomposing in the graveyard of irrelevant music, he is moving on the next most logical thing. No, he's not returning to reality TV. No, he's not doing more Pepsi commercials.

Here we see Flav hugging 2 time Super Bowl Champion Coach Tom Coughlin

Flavor Flav is doing perhaps what he was born to do. He's opening a fried chicken and soul food restaurant in Las Vegas. The name? Flavor Flav's House of Flavor. This is the most natural step in the mans career. Honestly, he should have done this decades ago. Right after he chose the name Flavor Flav, he should've gone out, gotten a small business loan, and started a restaurant. Little known fact about him, the gigantic clock he wears around his neck was originally meant to be a pancake, but he kept eating them.
Perhaps I should combine both of these news stories. One about a bunny and another about Flavor Flav and his pancake necklace.

Synthesis complete

But that's not all. I'd also like to bring you a man who truly should beware the Ides of March. No, not Ryan Gosling. He has nothing to fear. I speak of Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois. Today is the day he must report to prison to begin his 14-year sentence. It seems an especially bad omen for a politician to begin a prison term on this of all days. Chances are pretty good he'll be stabbed by a group of 60 men, but it won't be with a knife and it'll be in the showers, not the Theatre of Pompey. Of course I have no sympathy for the corrupt douche of a man. I would give him one piece of advice though: don't drop the soap, those floors are crawling with bacteria.

There is still more awesome ridiculousness I'd like to share with you but I'm getting hungry. I will return later with an in-depth analysis of Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad's iTunes purchases. Preview, he's a big Harry Potter fan.