Jaws 8: The Real Monster

Ok, I have to make this post quick because the Good Lady Wife and I are heading up to Maine for the weekend for some reason. So I will quickly tell you about something truly terrifying. No, not nude pictures of Barbara Streisand, something scarier. No, not nude pictures of Wilfred Brimley. What is it with you and the awkward nude pictures?
Earlier this week, fisherman in the Sea of Cortez were surprised to pull up their nets to find a ginormous great white shark. How ginormous? The monster was 20 feet long and weighed close to a ton. I'll wait a minute while you go change your undergarments.

I assume the blood is Aquamans

To give you a sense of scale, the boat that pulled it up is only 22 feet long. That's right, the beast they brought home was only slightly smaller than their boat. Holy crap, Jaws is back. A beast that size normally exists only in my nightmares, making me believe that my dreams are starting to come true. I have my fingers crossed for the lounge-singer donut with a bow tie.
The truly scary thing is that the leviathan was dead when they brought it up. I take this to mean that there is a creature in the Gulf of Mexico that is larger and more powerful than a 20-foot, 2,000 pound shark. My money is on Cthulhu. What else could kill a great white through fear alone?

I for one welcome our new pan-dimensional overlords

I already had an unnatural fear of sharks and all things aquatic (you ever see a tuna? They're huge). This just validates my fears. I will never step foot in the Gulf of Mexico, not that there was much risk of that to begin with. The thought of Jormungundr swimming around out there makes me want to move to Utah and hide in a closet.
Humans beware: stay on dry land and never ever go in the water. If we were meant to swim, we'd have gills and flippers.