Top 3 Reasons The Hunger Games Is Not Twilight

Well, I still feel like a can of smashed assholes thats been run over by a steamroller. I've been looking around the internet and I can't seem to find anything to write about. That is, until I saw that The Hunger Games came in 1st for the second weekend. Thats pretty impressive considering that it was up against an Sam Worthington effects-driven action movie and Julia Roberts' latest piece of forgettable irrelevance.
This alarmed me at first. For some reason my mind went straight to Twilight. I was worried that The Hunger Games was already turning into another Twilight. The world is bad enough with one Twilight, another one would result in mass suicides. Therefor I present the Top 3 Reasons The Hunger Games Is Not Twilight...
3) The female protagonist is actually attractive this time. Lets face it, Kristin Stewart looks like her skull decided to stop forming halfway through. She has the opposite problem of Barbara Streisand, she doesn't have enough of a nose. I'd talk about her skin but she doesn't have any, she has a thin layer of cellophane. Though admittedly, they might play up her translucence for the movie and I understand that.
Jennifer Lawrence however is attractive. She looked good in X:Men First Class when she was all in blue.

The dead eyes are a bit creepy though

You know you're hot when you're cast to play a younger version of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. If you look closely, you'll notice that her face has rounded features, instead of jagged edges. Whats more, when she smiles her teeth are not terrifying.
2) You know from the very beginning that almost everyone is going to die. With a story about 24 teenagers who are forced to kill each other, you know that at least 23 of them are going to die (Spoiler: 22 die instead - curveball!). With 24 teenagers to choose from, its almost guaranteed that they'll be one who closely resemblances that guy you hated in high school. Personally, I hated everyone in high school, including myself so its hard to pinpoint who I hate the most.
You get to watch the cathartic glory of your old enemies death without the legal repercussions. Unless the person you hated was Katniss. Then you're outta luck.
1) As I mentioned about you get to watch 22 teenagers die. If you're anything like me you hate teenagers. And its not just because I'm a grumpy old man. I hated teenagers when I was a teenager. The theory is that I was born a 52 year-old man named Saul who is living a Benjamin Button life. But I still hate teenagers. They're obnoxious and loud and constantly encroaching on my way of life. I'm the obnoxious, loud one damnit.
But seriously, teenagers constantly annoy me solely with their presence and I relish the opportunity to watch them kill each other. I just wish it was more creative like in Battle Royale, the original teen free-for-all. In fact that's the only problem I have with The Hunger Games. It was already released 10 years when it was called Battle Royale. Go watch it.