Snakes Really Do Fly Commercial

Hollywood! Now that I have your attention, Hollywood! Today I bring you a story inspired by fake events .In a perfect example of life imitating art, we have the story of an Australian flight, doomed to repeat he greatest Samuel L. Jackson film of all time. That's right, the pilot of this plane had to fight a super-intelligent shark. 

So thats how Nick Fury lost his eye

Sorry, I got my movies mixed up. I meant to say that an Australian pilot was forced to do an emergency landing when he glanced down and saw a mothaf***in' snake on his mothaf***in' plane! There was a five foot long golden tree snake in the cockpit. I quick wikipedia search will tell you that these snakes are non-venomous and have the ability to glide, earning the nickname the flying snake. I'm glad for the non-venomous part but the flying part is enough to make me never go to Australia, or Monster Island as its also known.
The plane has since been grounded until they find the snake. But in the search so far they've also found a green tree frog, a minotaur, 2 baby krakens and a crapload of peanuts. My theory is that this flying snake flew onto the plane during takeoff because even it was tired of living in the deathtrap that is Australia.

So long suckers!

My advice is to avoid Australia at all costs, where even if you try to leave, the environment is still going to try to kill you. Don't try taking a boat out either, or box jellyfish will swarm your boat and shout racist insults at you.